Blogging, Remote Learning & Learning To Let Go.

The past 6 months have not been easy for anyone. We’ve gone from total panic and terror, and a massive shut down of society, to a confused, angry state of being where nothing is the same. For me, the biggest hurdles have been getting over a crippling fear of death, prioritizing what’s important right now, and continuing to garden and blog.

I’ve probably already mentioned that I started this blog as a way to get some of my ideas about nature and gardening on paper and video, mostly for my young daughter but also for everyone who is interested in a more nature-centric way of doing things (vs. the standard human-centric-kill-everything-grow-only-lawn sentiment that dominates so much gardening information). When I started, I was convinced that I was going to get covid and die, and it almost felt like a race against the clock to create posts and content here and on my social media pages. Along with that came a huge sense of overwhelm because it turns out that blogging, creating picture/video content, and constantly sharing on social media is A LOT OF WORK, especially when you have a child and family to look after and you’re not selling weight loss cures, giving trendy “health” tips, or running around the garden half naked on Instagram. It seems that if you have a message of peace and co-existing with nature, no one is really that interested and it’s a slow, uphill battle to get likes and followers. This has made me question whether I should keep blogging, but whenever I start doubting myself I circle back to my original intention, which is to share my knowledge and my perspective for my daughter to read later on when she’s old enough to understand; it’s a little insurance in case my worst nightmare comes true and I’m not around to teach her these things in person. I think that alone makes this effort worthwhile. I simply can’t measure success in only dollars and likes, and also I don’t know what opportunities will appear for me down the line, so it’s important to keep going even during these trying times.

I recently came across a Facebook post about an author named Nora Roberts and her advice on balancing writing and life. She gave an analogy of everything in life being a series of glass balls and plastic balls that we are constantly juggling. The glass balls are the really important things in your life that you shouldn’t drop and the plastic balls are less important things that you can let fall if necessary. As a Mom I feel this deeply because through the years there have been many dreams and things that I’ve had to let go of in order to focus on my daughter and my current life. It’s tough because I would love to be that successful person who’s able to do it all and balance everything- make the kid happy and the husband happy and the business happy and everything great, but you know in reality something’s got to give and life doesn’t work like that. I think of this analogy when I feel guilty about not tending the garden as much these days or not going out and finding things to take pictures of and share. I feel like I’m dropping balls each time I make a decision to pull back and rest. It’s hard to overcome that feeling of having to be busy and productive all the time even when I’m grinding myself down.

Right now a huge glass ball is my daughter’s education and that has taken top priority. She started Kindergarten two weeks ago through remote learning and since she is so young, she needs me nearby to help her with her tablet during class and to find her assignments in Google Classroom, which basically means that I’m in Kindergarten all over again! Two weeks in and I’m already burned out. I imagine other parents are too. On top of everything else, I have now also become a technical support person and a teacher, go figure. School starts at 9am and by 3:00 pm my daughter looks like one of those electrified cartoon cats with the fluff flying everywhere and we’re both ready for a nap. My brain wants to write and talk to others on social media, and go look at the garden, and plan for the Fall and for next spring, is the garden looking too messy? What am I ripping out? What should I plant right now? This is how I usually drift off to sleep because my brain wants to do it all but my body says “nope, right now the priority is rest, we will get to those things later.” Later never comes, of course, because as a mom and wife I’m doing so many other things in the day that my garden projects get pushed back. All I can do is take a deep breath and plan to do things on a better day. Self-preservation during this pandemic is not limited to physical preservation. I am learning to let those plastic balls drop to preserve one of the most delicate glass balls: my sanity.

So if you don’t hear from me as often, please know that I’m just taking things slow right now. Everyone should do what they can to lighten their load right now and let go a little in order to have some level of peace, especially as we face another surge of Covid 19 worldwide and social upheaval during the coming holidays. Thank you to every person that has supported me with kind words, gifts, and money (buy me a coffee). I am not quitting this blogging project, I am just resting a little.

How has Covid19 impacted your gardening and your life? I would love to hear about it.